heartbreak

I complete me

8:50:00 AM

Sometimes we tend to be blinded by what popular music, literature and movies portray as love. We hope for the person who will make us whole, the person who will fill the empty gaps in our hearts and souls. We like to think that there is someone out there who will “complete” us the same way Dorothy Boyd completes Jerry Maguire. Well, I know I’m young and I do not know much, but that’s just a truckload of crap.

We need to talk.
(photo from the internet)
I’m not jaded, and I’m definitely not a cynic. I am a hopeless romantic (or as one of my good friends keep pointing out, I’m a hopeful romantic). I believe that there’s someone out there I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with. I believe we will be best friends. I believe we will fall in love. I believe we will achieve all our dreams together, no matter how different our goals may be. I believe in happy endings.

But in spite of my idealistic beliefs, there’s a big enough realist in me to know that behind the happiness, there’s difficulty. Even with the person I am fated to be with for the rest of my life, the relationship will require work. Even if we are the best of friends, we will have fights, big and small, and we need to work things out constantly. Even if we are in love, everyday realities could be a struggle. Even if we try to support each other as we both strive to reach our goals, we will have weak moments. Our endings are only as happy as we make them.

If you’ve had the chance to read previous entries in this blog, you’d know that I just came out of a five-year relationship. And if you’re a realist, you might wonder how I could still believe in happy endings after being burned, one too many times, at that. I choose to see the good in all situations. I choose to believe that everything happens for a reason.

Sometimes it’s comforting to think that if two people are meant for each other, they will eventually find their way back. Perhaps we both need space to figure out what we want, to achieve our respective goals, and to fix our own lives. We are not meant to complete another person; we must be whole on our own. We have to know ourselves, and more importantly, we have to be happy being who we are. We just need to find someone equally whole to share this happiness with.

Forgive me if what I’m about to say next will make me sound extremely condescending, but I think that at this stage of our lives, I was more complete than my former partner was. I’ve had the chance to enjoy my youth. I finished my education, and I am building my career. My family life is stable despite occasional difficulties. Overall, I’m in a better situation than he was/is, and my biggest mistake was thinking I could fix everything for him.

He needed to work on a lot of things, and he just couldn’t do it with me there. He had much to figure out, and he had to do that on his own. It was wrong for me to expect him to do as I say, no matter how logical my solutions were. He had much to learn, but he couldn’t do it in the pace I’ve set for him; he had his own pace and I failed to see that. On the other side of the table, I had a lot of learning to do, too. I had to learn to be patient. I had one too many control issues, and I badly needed to let go.

Bottom line is we were both unhappy. We were both not whole, and we counted on each other to fill the void. It wasn’t until five years later that we realized we were doing everything wrong. We relied on each other too much, and it wasn’t healthy for either of us. We both needed time, and we both needed space. We both needed to be on our own, to find our way without the other there, affecting our decisions. We both needed to be whole all by ourselves.
It's time.
(photo from the internet)
I’m sure that the breakup was the right thing for both of us. It’s not easy, but the right thing is not always easy, anyway. Like I said earlier, I sometimes take comfort in the possibility that eventually, we’ll find our way back to each other. But if not, then at least we let each other have a shot at real happiness. A fair shot, without getting in each other’s way.

isawisay

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Hello, reader! Thank you for wasting your time reading my blog. I do hope you enjoyed whatever you stumbled upon. :)