LT / Clouds debrief

2:09:00 AM

Last Thursday, I posted a poem called Clouds. Inspiration struck out of nowhere, so it was a good thing my laptop was on at that moment. I let the words flow from my brain to my fingers, and I typed in a trance-like state for five minutes. When reality seeped back in, I read my work and I laughed.

For a brief period when I was still a kid, I had this ridiculous obsession with the big, white, fluffy things that populated the sky. Almost every afternoon one summer break, I would look up and think about how it would feel to jump up and down on clouds like a trampoline. When I went biking or jogging, or when I was in a moving vehicle, I was convinced that the clouds were following me.

My Dad worked abroad at the time, and I knew that an airplane would bring him home. So when he asks me if I want any presents, I always ask him to catch me a cloud. We went to Baguio when I was about nine years old, and the fog was so thick that I ran up the steps of Lourdes Grotto with an empty water bottle in an attempt to take a cloud home. My Mom was livid that I left the hotel without asking for her permission.

When I was little, clouds were like Play-Doh to me. The difference was that I had to use my hands to form the clay, but for clouds, I only had to will them to take the shape I want to see. It was like telekinesis - I was shaping clouds at will. I believed I had magical powers. If I wanted a rabbit, or a mouse, or a dog, I was sure to see it.

Oh, those white, fluffy things!
(photo from the internet)
I outgrew the cloud obsession when I went back to school. June was the rainy season, and I didn't like the dark clouds so much so I watched them less and less until I stopped. I never looked back until my junior year in college.

One weekend, I went back home to Bulacan to see my Mom. I haven't been home in over a month, and I missed her a lot. I took a bus, and as we sped through North Luzon Expressway, I looked up and I saw big, white, fluffy clouds. Memories of my crazy childhood flooded my head. So I tried to use my telekinetic powers to form a rabbit, and I failed miserably.

The clouds didn't even flinch. They just hung idly on the blue sky. I no longer had the ability to form clouds into different shapes. And then it hit me - I lost my magic in the process of growing up. I stopped believing in it for so long that it just died out, and when I realized it, it was already too late.


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