advice

My take on Tinder

12:00:00 AM

Since it's Valentine's Day, I figured I'd talk about Tinder! Yes, I have it on my phone, and yes, I have gone out on dates with people I met through the app.
Fire
(image from the internet)
When a friend told me to download Tinder about a year ago, I was hesitant. I didn't like the idea of meeting people online - it's scary. I have gay friends who shared horror stories of their experiences on Grinder. Some people were robbed and/or physically hurt by their matches. But since Tinder is Facebook-based, I figured it's a bit safer. It doesn't disclose your exact location, and you can only message a person who likes you right back.

Another reservation is that online dating isn't widely accepted in the Philippines just yet. I have a short fuse, and I didn't want another reason to snap at people who will judge me, who will think I'm "desperate" for using the app. But Tinder doesn't post anything on your Facebook account, so the only people who will know you're using the app are those who (a) use it, too, and (b) match your specifications. That, and I guess I don't really care all that much about what people think anymore (it comes with age), so I figured there's no harm in giving it a try.

I'm glad I did.

Aside from dating, the app has actually helped me make new friends and business connections - I've met session musicians, web developers, writers, and graphic artists, with whom I could potentially work with for select projects. At the end of the day, the purpose of an app depends on the user. There are those who use it for hookups - that's totally cool, and that's completely their business. Others are looking for a relationship, the "real deal," and that's their call. I actually know someone who dates women he meets on Tinder and sells them beauty and slimming products on the date. Haha!

Back to dating - I've gone out with a number of men I've met through the app, and so far, I've been lucky that I haven't encountered any psycho killers or ax murderers. They were all decent men, and they didn't make any inappropriate advances. Although those dates never really progressed into anything more serious, I enjoyed the conversations. To find those men, however, I had to weed through a number of men who were only after hookups (again, I have nothing against hookups - I just wasn't looking for that).

I was asked by a friend about ethical guidelines for the use of Tinder. I'm no expert, but here's my take. For the men, always be a gentleman. Even if you use Tinder for hookups, it doesn't mean that manners go out the window. Engage women through decent conversations. Take her to dinner if she's up for it. Just be sure you don't lead her on - tell her right off the bat that you're not after anything more.

For the ladies, don't be afraid to ask a guy why he's on Tinder - it's the easiest way to find out whether he's looking to date or to just have sex. If you're paranoid about your security (as you should be), don't ask to be fetched from your home - meet up with him in a restaurant or a coffee shop. Don't give your number until after you meet him - just keep communicating through the app.

Generally, however, I urge people to not just use Tinder for hookups or relationships - use it to make friends, to expand your network! You were matched for a reason, and it doesn't have to just be for sex or dating.

Happy Valentine's Day, folks!

isawisay

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