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The Proust Questionnaire #7

12:00:00 AM

Question: What or who is the greatest love of your life?

If you've read a good number of posts on this blog, then you will know that the answer to this question is my mother. She passed away in 2010. Last June, I was missing her terribly when I realized that it was around that time of year when I learned that my mother had cancer. And then I stumbled upon a post from Facebook executive Sheryl Sandberg, who was mourning the death of her husband. Her words inspired me to write a few of my own:
Five years ago today, I received what has to be the worst bit of news ever - my mother had cancer. Five months later, despite chemotherapy, she succumbed to the disease and passed away. I've since found a new normal. I still miss her, especially when I'm sick - when her absence is most pronounced because there's no one around to check my temperature and make me take my medicine. In that way and in so many others, my new normal will never be as good as my normal when she was still with me.

Although I'm doing okay, I have to admit that after all this time, I still have days when I couldn't move because I'm so overwhelmed by the need to see her, to talk to her and have her talk back. I can only look at old photos, play the best scenes of our time spent together in my head, and listen to the sound of her voice from memory.

Despite that, my new normal is actually quite good; I get to work, travel, write, sing, and play. I don't have my mother to share these wonderful new experiences with. But I have friends, a number of whom I consider family now, and with them I try new things. With them, I grow. And with them, I find meaning in spite of what I've lost.
Always.
A friend of mine messaged me privately on Facebook after she read this post. She said what I wrote made her cry, and that she doesn't know if she will survive not having her mother in her life. I understood her; that's exactly what I felt when I learned about the cancer. But by the law of nature, a parent shall not outlive her child, so it's something that I may have been hardwired for deep down.

But that does not mean I love her any less. She is, and she always will be, the greatest love of my life.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

isawisay

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Hello, reader! Thank you for wasting your time reading my blog. I do hope you enjoyed whatever you stumbled upon. :)